Polyphonist’s #CBR5 Review #42: Tina’s Mouth: An Existential Comic Diary by Keshni Kashyap and Mari Araki

“Please leave your name, number, the time of your call, and a brief justification for the ontological necessity of modern man’s existential dilemma and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks and have a great day!” This was, and currently again is, my voice mail message. (Points if you can name the movie reference.)  What’s funny is that most people hear that message and try to tell me what modern man’s existential dilemma is, not what the ontological necessity of it is.  These are the things I thought when I picked up Tina’s Mouth: An Existential Comic Diary, which is a really cool book that’s the result of the main character, Tina, choosing it as the class project for her English Honors elective in existential philosophy.

Tina is a sophmore in pretentious California high school academy and according to her teacher, Mr. Moosewood (“AKA Moose – who supposedly smokes pot, which makes him the most popular teacher at school”) they are to turn in the diary, sealed, at the end of the semester.  He apparently won’t read the diaries, but will mail them back to their owners after three years.  Seems pretty cool.  I was hooked from the first two sentences of the book:

Dear Mr. Jean-Paul Sartre,

I know that you are dead and old and also a philosopher.  So, on an obvious level, you and I do not have a lot in common.

The diary covers many typical high school things like growing apart from friend’s, balancing your culture against just wanting to be a “normal” teen (Tina is Indian), falling in love, kooky and awesome family, having your heart broken, parties, and school plays (they do Rashomon, which, holy shit for a high school.) Now, apparently, the school is known for it’s “ambitious productions” since past plays include Proof and Equus.  I don’t know you get permission to do Equus in a high school, but okay.

There seems to be a synergistic thing going on, too, because a few days before I started reading this, a friend of mine mentioned Rashomon when talking about how there is often more than one side to things. It also came up in a movie I had randomly flipped to on TV the other night.  So Moose talks Tina into auditioning for the school play and she gets as the lead.  Her leading man is a geek’s geek in school, whom Tina winds up having her first kiss with because the script calls for it.  It’s a gross first kiss, unfortunately, both because she didn’t want to kiss him and because he was a jerk about it.  But she bumpily works through it and the play goes up to great acclaim.

One of my favorite parts of the book is when Tina is talking with her favorite auntie, Urvashi, who is getting drunker and drunker as the conversation goes on.  But she makes sure to tell Tina that she has a “heavenly and mysterious expanse” inside her.  If anyone has seen the movie The Secret Garden from the 90’s with Kate Maberly, you’ll remember the story she her cousin about the Indian prince who had a whole universe inside him.  It was the same parable, and Auntie Urvashi wanted to make sure Tina knew that she had a universe in her, too.  She passed out shortly after telling her this (not before also imparting such wisdom as “marry a European!”) but in the morning, Tina awoke to find a note on her bed.  Her Auntie Urvashi expands on the story:

This story illustrates what I meant yesterday, though mostly it is interpreted by total idiots.  My interpretation goes as follows and it is the best one.

1. People will tell you all sorts of things.
2. Don’t listen to them.
3. Do as you please, but on one condition.
4. Know that there is a universe inside yourself.
5. And examine it.

This may seem complicated, but really it is not. Come visit me here in Bombay darling, but don’t call it Mumbai as that name was given to the city by a bunch of raving mad right -wing lunatics.

Red Hot Kisses,

Your fond,

Auntie Urvashi

I love Auntie Urvashi.  And really, I loved this whole book.  The illustrations (by Mari Araki) were fantastic and the whole story was a great read.  This is a great addition to the coming of age ya fic, in awesome graphic novel style.

Polyphonist’s #CBR5 Review #41: Tyranny by Lesley Fairfield

As someone who’s dealt with various eating disorders throughout her life, Tyranny grabbed my attention right away. To the best of my knowledge, there aren’t many (if any) graphic novels out there about eating disorders and this one brings the disorder itself to “life” in the form of a manic doodle being named, appropriately, Tyranny.

While I’ve never had the body dismorphia, anorexia, bulimia, and tremendous pull to be thin that the author battled, she shows us how pervasive messages about being thing are in our culture, in our families, in our workplace, in our friendships. It’s a slim, quick read, but it packs a punch through a hip, engaging drawing style (and garishly frightening style when it comes to the Tyranny illustrations) and a stark, brave depiction of the author’s battle under the anorexic and bulimic regime of Tyranny.

One part that hit me harder than I expected was when the author makes friends with a model named Cynthia, who is so pressured to be thinner that she winds up dying from complications of bulimia. In a particularly heart-wrenching set of panels, Cynthia tells Fairfield how her hair is falling out, her teeth are eroding, and she can’t stop throwing up even when she doesn’t want to. This was roughly a week or so before Cynthia wound up going into the hospital and then dying.

Throughout the book, Tyranny, a squiggle-drawn, demeaning creature keeps telling Lesley that she’s no good, she’s too fat, she shouldn’t eat, and other dangerous thoughts. It’s fascinating to see one person’s embodiment of that negative voice in their head and I’d have to say that Tyranny sure lives up to his/her name. The best part of the book, though, was when the author sought treatment for her disorders in an attempt to reclaim her life. The last three pages, when Tyranny is told that their reign is over and they need to go away, is fantastic. Watching Tyranny unravel is a beautiful thing.

Polyphonist’s #CBR5 Review #40: Redemption Song by Bertice Berry

For as long as I can remember loving to read, I’ve had an affinity for black fiction. It might’ve been rebelling against my dad’s bigoted ways when I was growing up (I’m white, just so’s you know) or my third grade teacher reading every chapter of Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry to us and me absolutely falling in love with it to the point where it’s still in my Top 10 list of favorite books. It could also be that as a fat kid growing up, I identified in a very visceral way the harshness of being judged solely by the way I looked. No, I’ve never been a slave. But I also didn’t have my parents taken away from me by an evil wizard when I was a baby. Yet I can still empathize with Harry Potter and the loneliness he felt and the choices he faced between being a good and a bad person. You don’t have to go through exactly what someone has gone through to empathize. Though it definitely does help to have gone through your own adversity.

For a relatively short read (178 pages) Redemption Song packed an emotional wallop. It tells the story of adversity: it is written partly in first person by a black slave woman named Iona who has many special gifts (talking to the stars, medicine, cooking, future sight) including the ability to spontaneously write without ever having been taught. She tells her own story, that of her and her love Joe, through the book Children of Grace. The other part of the book is Miss Cozy, the bookshop owner who brings together Fina and Ross. Ross and Fina originally show up at Black Images bookstore (which, incidentally, is a real bookstore in Texas that I now so want to go to someday) to buy the book but Miss Cozy ain’t selling. She, too, has the gift of future sight as well as reading people’s mind’s. She knows she’s supposed to bring these two present day people together via Children of Grace for a very special reason.

I loved all the characters and found myself wishing I could be their friend, the way I usually wind up doing when I read a book I love. I especially loved the element of Fina and how she liked to wear her boyfriend’s shirts. There’s something so sexy about a woman wearing a men’s button down dress shirt. That aspect is woven into the story in surprising ways and I appreciated the hell out of it.

However, there were some places where it seemed like they wouldn’t want to be my friend because I was white. That felt unfair and like reverse racism, but then I had to remind myself a) before I get my knickers in a twist, I was reading a book not dealing with real people, and b) the character were reflective of real people who had gone through a lot at the hands of some very specific people. Very specific people who look like me. If I’d been put down, enslaved, and brutalized only by a certain race of people, I might develop an understandable aversion to them, as well. However, passages like:

From Manny he learned that the most radical thing that he or any other black man could do was to love a black woman, to care for her and restore her to her rightful position in life. To erase the psychological scars of abuse left by slavery, to tenderly wipe away the disappointment from men who said that they’d be there but couldn’t. Black men needed to love black women and their children and raise strong families.

and:

“Yeah, but give a black man a Brooks Brothers suit and a white woman and he will sell his mama,” Fina commented angrily.

“Alright, Ms. Ndegeocello!” Ross said, referring to the singer Fina had quoted.

were hard to take, especially being a woman who married a mixed race man. He’s told me some of the struggle he’s gone through, and it just reaffirms to me that we need to look at each other as people. Not black, white, yellow, pink, grey, whatever….but people. Thankfully, the book does touch on the sad fact that black is not always synonymous with good and white does not always mean evil. It talked about the black folks who turned against their own by selling fellow men into slavery and snitching on people who were trying to escape and also of the white people who helped fight to end slavery and in general treat people like people. And by the end of the book, Iona says as much and instructs her readers that Everybody who looks like you is not on your side. And everybody who don’t is not against you.” Ross and Fina admit this is hard, but are willing to take on the misson that Iona gives them: Learn to love, strive to love, cause we ain’t got time for nothing else.

That love emanates from this book, which was awesome. It’s a love story that spans decades, challenges both the reader and the characters, and teaches us ways to love and open up in the process.

Polyphonist’s #CBR5 Review #39: Let’s Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir) by Jenny Lawson

This review is bittersweet for me. Some have said that they like hearing the back story about how one came to read a particular book, so here goes. This book is the last gift my ex-husband and ex-wife ever gave me. We were in a poly marriage where I was legally married to him for four out of the close to thirteen years he and I were together. We were with our wife for the latter ten years of those thirteen and had a private, (non legally binding) wedding ceremony (yes. it was a wedding ceremony. I don’t care who the hell disagrees with me) for the three of us. They essentially left me for each other. Our relationship had been having trouble for years and it was and is clear that they were much better suited for each other than the three of us were for each other. There were some very difficult times throughout our relationship, but we had all said that we wanted to stay friends after the separation and divorce last year. And for the most part, we tried. Last Christmas, I bought and sent them Christmas presents and sent them out and they also sent me Christmas presents, this book being one of them. Let’s review the title again, shall we? Let’s Pretend This Never Happened. Some would consider it cruel, but I unwrapped it and laughed. It was exactly the dark humor we all shared. When something was painful, laughing at it as soon as possible made everything better. And it was on my wishlist, so it’s not that it just came out of left field. All things considered, it was an incredibly thoughtful gift on many levels…that took me nearly a year to read, though, both because I had a hard time with the origin of the book and if you’ve never read Jenny Lawson (aka The Bloggess), let’s just say she has both a very distinctive voice and opinions that some people love and some hate (another fun fact: my ex-husband is in the latter camp).

So that’s how it came to be mine. And a few weeks ago, I finally was in a place where I could appreciate her unapologetically irreverent and brash awesomeness. Holy hell, I’m so glad I did! From the amusing and slightly horrified recounting of various family members’ body parts stuck up inside both living and dead animals (her dad’s a taxidermist…which only partially explains it) to the endearing (yet kinda crazy…in the best possible way) portrait of her marriage and family, this book was unlike any I’d ever read. (Save for Freak Show by James St. James…and that’s not to say it was like that, but that’s the only other book I’ve ever read that was wholly unlike any other. And actually, the Bloggess and the narrator of Freak Show do have a similar hyperbolic voice on occasion…but that’s where the similarities end between a woman raised in Texas with an offbeat taxidermy-laden childhood and a teenage drag queen trying to navigate the world of a private high school in Florida end.)

Let’s Pretend This Never Happened starts with Lawson talking about she was a three year old arsonist (kinda) and the next chapter highlights exactly how her childhood is probably way different than most people’s:

1. Most people have never stood inside a dead animal.
2. Most people don’t have poisonous tap water in their house.
3. Most people have running water.
4. Most people don’t have a cistern or even know what a cistern is.
5. Most people don’t have live raccoons in the house.

I can definitely say that I fall into the category of “most people” in all five instances and the story behind all of them are awesome. Of course, I didn’t have to live it…I think the only story in the book that I have actually lived through was the debate over whether Jesus is a zombie or not. Well, it wasn’t much of a debate. To the best of my memory, my exes agreed that Jesus is definitely a zombie.

The most hysterical story in the book is called “And That’s Why You Should Learn To Pick Your Battles” and starts with an argument between Lawson and her husband about not buying new bath towels. This, of course, led to her buying a six foot metal chicken named Beyonce. True story. Also a true story: that story was the first real introduction I had to The Bloggess, from her blog, before the book came out. So once, when driving through Kentucky last year, my ex-girlfriend and I came across a distillery and winery that also sold giant metal chickens. I remember screaming “Beyonce!” and then laughing hysterically until I cried. We stopped and had apple pie moonshine samples and a very good time. If I could’ve afforded a Beyonce of my very own, I totally would’ve. It was not in the cards (or my wallet, however.)

On the flip side, one of the sweetest and my favorite parts of the book, was when she and her husband went back to her childhood home for a visit. She was feeling nostalgic for the past:

I just wanted to go back to my life from my childhood, just to visit it, and to touch it, and to convince myself that yes, it had been real. Victor could tell I was upset, but I couldn’t find a way to describe it without sounding ridiculous. ”It’s nothing,” I said. ”It’s just that…Have you ever been homesick for someplace that doesn’t actually exist anymore? Someplace that exists only in your mind?”

He rocked with me on the front porch in silence, not knowing how to answer, and eventually he put his arm around me and told me everything would be alright, and then he went inside to get some sleep. He found me the next morning, still outside in the same rocking chair, and stared at me worriedly. He asked me gently, “Are you gonna be ready to go home this morning?”

I rocked in silence, and realized for the first time that “home” wasn’t this place anymore. It was where Victor was. It was both a terrifying and an enlightening realization, and I took a deep breath and thought carefully before answering.

“Yes. I’m ready to go home.”

It’s weird. Sometimes I get homesick for the family that I…we’d spent so long creating. But that’s not my home anymore. I have a new home in my new husband and they have a new home in each other. I miss them a lot, but they’ve made it clear that they don’t want to be friends, so I can’t make them. Which means I doubt I’ll be getting any other awesomely macabre gifts from them but I’m incredibly grateful for all the gifts I’ve been given, such as this fantastic book.

Polyphonist’s #CBR5 Review #38: Bone #3 – Eyes of the Storm by Jeff Smith

The third book in the Bone series gets darker, both in tone and literally in overall color of the story. Two of the main rat creatures are in hiding from their leader, Kingdok. Thorn’s having more nightmares and they’re longer and more detailed, giving her the better sense of her childhood, which Gran’ma Ben gets upset about because she subscribes to the Ignorance is Protected Bliss school of thought. The displaced Bones find themselves split up soon into the book. Smiley and Phoney go with Lucius into town to help work off the damage they did during the great cow race, and Fone decide to stay with Thorn. And therein the darkness begins.

Lucius and the boys get attacked by a herd of rat creatures on the road, Gran’ma Ben learns that Thorn has discovered meaning in her dreams, they get attacked by some rat creatures in the dark, and Thorn learns that she is actually a royal descendant. We learn that the mysterious hooded leader of all rat creatures answers to a strange dark matter, Lucius and Phoney make a wager about the loyalty of Lucius’ patrons and who can run a bar better. And lastly, Gran’ma Ben receives word that things have changed and they need to leave. So Thorn, Gran’ma Ben, and Fone pack up and set out to end book 3.

While this book gets a bit darker, it’s still by turns compelling and comical, and I really want to know what’s going on with the rat creatures and the hooded person, not to mention the nebulous, sentient blob. Curious, too, to see how things go down in the bar as it looked like the tide was turning for Phoney last we saw. And lastly, I can’t wait to see where Gran’ma Ben, Thorn, and Fone are headed. This story, like the others before it, is charming, mysterious, fun, and even when it gets dark, it’s still brimming with joy.

Polyphonist’s #CBR5 Review #37: Bone #2 – The Great Cow Race by Jeff Smith

The second installment of the Bone series finds all of the Bones, Thorn, Gran’ma Ben, and Lucius back in town to get ready for the titular Great Cow Race. Fone Bone is incredibly happy that he gets time with Thorn, until she says she’s in the market for honey…and a cute boy. It’s heartbreaking to see Fone Bone’s cartoon heart bubble actually break and therein is part of the magic of Jeff Smith’s characters, drawing, and writing. I just love these characters, even the ones love to hate, like Phoney Bone…

…Who is up to his usual tricks in this book, trying to fix the results of the Great Cow Race so he can walk off with all the winnings. He works pretty damn hard to get the townspeople to think that Gran’ma Ben is past her prime so people won’t bet on her but instead on the mysterious mystery cow (PSmiley Bone in a comically terrible cow costume). This way, when HE bets on her, he gets all the winnings. He wants Lucius to get in on the action by betting his bar so Phoney can win that, too, but the joke is on him when Lucius gets wind of what’s going on but does bet his bar…on Gran’ma Ben. (Phoney’s jaw hitting the counter of his makeshift bet booth is fantastic!)

Meanwhile, we’re learning more about Thorn’s dreams and that they’re more than likely based on the past. Also, that when she was a little girl, she drew the map the Bones found. With one of my favorite lines in the series so far (“Hello, small mammal.”), the rat creatures find Fone Bone writing “poetries” to Thorn and move to capture him. Fone Bone runs, and in the process, more rat creatures join in the chase and eventually the cows and the rats make one huge mammal melange of chaos. Through all the adversity, guess who wins the race? Gran’ma Ben, bitches!

All in all, it was an enjoyable installment in the Bone series and I heartily recommend it to anyone looking for a solid story, excellent art, and a good dose of humor throughout. Well, you know, anyone who hasn’t read it yet.

Polyphonist’s #CBR5 Review #36: Coraline by Neil Gaiman, Adapted & Illustrated by P. Craig Russell

I’m not sure if it’s a credit or detraction to Mr. Russell, the adaptor and illustrator of this graphic novel, that I came away from reading it thinking, “I need to read more Neil Gaiman.” I suppose it could be considered both, but to be honest, it mostly stemmed from the fact that I liked the novel better and was reminded from that feeling that I need to read more Gaiman.

It’s not that this graphic novel is bad. It follows the same story of a bored girl who is looking for someone to play with, something intriguing, and also, people to respect her enough to call her by her real name instead of what they think it is (Caroline). She finds a mysterious door in her family’s new house and then finds a key to the door and goes through it. There she finds the Other world, which is a mirror image of her house, family, and neighbors, but…off. Other Mother has black button eyes, long spindly fingers with razor sharp nails, and just wants to love and adore Coraline and give her lots of rich foods and play with her. At first, this seems mostly cool to Coraline, who’s been looking for this kind of attention, but she soon realizes that getting what you think you want isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. But when she tries to go home, she can’t find her parents. Turns out, her Other Mother has stolen and hidden them. The rest of the story is spent with Coraline trying to free them and get her real parents, a black helper cat, and herself back home.

The illustrations are quite creepy of the Other Mother and the Other side, in general, but I found that the way Gaiman described things left me more unsettled than the actual illustrations. The initial charm and subsequent oddness and ultimate fear all kind of blended to me. Seeing how jarring the Other Mother looked right off the bat was something that I think was a little too much for me.

The one thing I did really like was the intricacies in Coraline’s facial expressions. I think Russell did a great job with bringing her to life throughout the book, which is a definite plus since she’s, y’know, the main character. I think my lack of appreciation for the illustrations may just come down to personal preference. But I came away with it wanting to read more Gaiman, and really, that’s never a bad thing.

Polyphonist’s #CBR5 Review #35: Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris

I’d been meaning to read this for a few years now and I finally made the (mostly) wise choice to bring it with me for my family’s tradition of Black Friday Shopping. The original edition in paperback was slim enough to fit in my purse and made for easy and appropriate reading while waiting on insanely long lines in Walmart. The only thing that would’ve made it better was if I actually liked the book.

Doing some research online, I found out that I’m very much in the minority with this opinion. This book is apparently “beloved” and a “holiday classic.” Normally, I like Sedaris’ work quite a bit so I was shocked with how much I couldn’t get into or find any kind of humor in most of this book. The most popular piece in this collection of essays is called “The Santaland Diaries” and that was the one I found to be hit or miss entertaining. The way he deals with working as an elf at one of the most hectic times of year in one of the busiest stores in the country is darkly fun. For instance, realizing that “Santa” is an anagram for “Satan”:

“Don’t forget to thank Satan for the Baby Alive he gave you last year”

“I love Satan.”

“Who doesn’t? Everyone loves Satan.”

Another good section is when he deals with people who say they’re gong to have him fired:

She said, “I’m going to have you fired.”

I had two people say that to me today, “I’m going to have you fired.” Go ahead, be my guest. I’m wearing a green velvet costume; it doesn’t get any worse than this. Who do these people think they are?

“I’m going to have you fired!” and I wanted to lean over and say, “I’m going to have you killed.”

His observations about the absurdity of the way people wait in crazy long lines to force their children to sit on a stranger’s lap, how they act towards the elves and Santas and their own children, are revelatory, acidic, and spot on from my limited experience.

However, the rest of the book? I just didn’t get it. I understand hyperbole, which I’m guessing is the point behind “Based Upon a True Story” and “Christmas Means Giving,” but I didn’t so much get dark humor from these as…completely depressing. “Dinah, the Christmas Whore” and “Front Row Center With Thaddeus Bristol” were…just kinda blah to me. With the latter, though, it was an interesting take on what would happen if a kid’s Christmas pageant was subjected to a real, scathing critical review. But I just…couldn’t connect to it.

Perhaps the most bizarre and unsettling to me was “Season’s Greetings to Our Friends and Family!!!” The condescending and horrific nature of the narrator was difficult to get through but the way it ended…I just don’t get it.

It’s likely this is geared towards a different demographic or something. I’m not sure. I just wasn’t much of a fan of this particularly book.

Polyphonist’s #CBR5 Review #34: Bone #1 – Out From Boneville by Jeff Smith

I read this graphic novel years ago and remember enjoying it, but I never finished the whole series. Since I still have a dozen or so books to read and review for this year’s Cannonball Read, I think this is the perfect time to read the series!

Starting with number 1, Out From Boneville, this series is so approachable for both kids and adults. The art style is beautifully playful and the writing is charming, funny, and believable. Well, believable for a world that has rat creatures that eat quiche, an aloof dragon, and an old woman who races cows (meaning she runs on foot in a race with the cows)…and wins. Oh, and these cute little bulby guys of the Bone species. They’re kind of like humans, but require fewer clothes to stay proper.

In the first book, we learn that Fone Bone and his cousins, Phoney Bone and Smiley Bone were run out of Boneville (literally) because Phoney Bone very much lives up to his first name and swindled most if not all of their town. An angry mob ensued, leaving the three bones lost in the forest. Fone Bone gets separated from his cousins and then gets hit by a freak unilateral layer of snow. This keeps him in the forest longer than he’d hoped, but since he’s an adorable little scamp of a Bone, he’s made friends with the possums and her babies and a leaf bug. The leaf bug Ted tells Fone he needs to find Thorn because she’s smart and can help him. He eventually does find Thorn (and falls in adorable interspecies love with her) but she’s riding some seriously repressed memories and doesn’t believe in things like dragons. Even though she was kinda raised by them. Partly.

Anyway, Thorn realizes she can’t help Fone on her own and suggests that maybe her Grandma Rose can help, as soon as she gets back from town. (Which happens to be where Smiley.) Phoney Bone gets led to Thorn’s house, too, and Fone and Phoney have a semi reunion, but realize they need to figure out how to get home. And they need to find Smiley to do that. Grandma suggests a trip into town, and besides, she’s got a cow race to run!

Meanwhile, the rat creatures and their grand hooded evil dude/tte are after Phoney but I (and he) have no clue why. They try to ambush Grandma Rose and Thorn’s house but Grandma Rose kicks some serious rat creature ass. The dragon’s involved in all of this, so is a map to somewhere mysterious, and a bunch of unanswered questions. Since there are 8 other books in the series, I have a feeling I might not get the answer all that soon. That’s okay; totally enjoyable read with a few laugh-out-loud moments. Can’t wait to get to the next one!

Polyphonist’s #CBR5 Review #33: Marbles: Mania, Depression, Michelangelo, & Me – a graphic memoir by Ellen Forney

With a subtitle like Mania, Depression, Michelangelo, & Me, you know this isn’t going to be your typical graphic novel. But then again, if you’ve read any of Ellen Forney’s other work, you’d know she’s not your typical graphic novelist/cartoonist. She’s also a teacher, cartoonist, columnist, and all around artist of life. She also is incredibly sex and body positive; early on in the book, she talks about the project she felt she was universally given: to help the women of the world to see themselves as beautiful and sexy, complete with adorable/sexy/awesome cartoon versions of the photo shoots she staged to help her with these projects.

Her work, as is the work and lives of other creative people throughout history who’ve dealt with mental illness in some way, is the focal point of this brilliant, personal, sometimes hard-to-take book. And while it was sometimes hard to take, I’m glad she created this book and I’m also grateful to have read it, since I’m also a creative person who’s had personal experience with various forms of mental illness. However, I’ve never been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder, I do have friends who have been, so the insight into that was enlightening. Forney meticulously charts her life from diagnosis to trying to figure out various treatments and medications to a place where she’s fairly stable and the illness is controlled.

Sometimes, the severe highs and lows she documents can be a bit too much just from reading so I can only imagine what she felt actually living through them, but overall, it was incredibly inspiring and educational. The research she does into the lives of prominent artists, writers, directors and other creative famous people is staggering and the questions she asks related to her findings are things that I still find myself curious about. For example, there are a few pages about Van Gogh, since, as she said, he “was truly the ultimate crazy tortured genius artist.” He dealt with hallucinations, suicide attempts, voices, mental hospitals, sever anxiety, seizures, violent rages, euphoria, depression. She included quotes from him such as “I have forsaken my pencil in discouragement,” “I shall always be cracked,” “Ideas come to me in swarms….I go on a painting, like a steam engine.”

And Forney wonders:

What would his art have been like if he hadn’t been “cracked”? Was it his demons that gave his art so much life? Or did he work in spite of them? What if he’s been stabilized on meds? Who knows?

In the last four years of his life, in and out of mental institutions, Van Gogh painted more than forty self-portraits. Was he trying to pin down the confusing swirls inside his head, to bring them outside?

Painting his self-portraits, did he find a sense of calm? Focus? Relief? …like I did? I like to think so. I hope so.

This wasn’t just a novel about one person’s struggle with mental illness, it was also a record of how it affected her family, friends, and work, how she fought to find meaning and art in it and relate to others from the past who maybe tried to do the same thing dealing with similar issues. It was educational about limits of power medical professionals have, but how much they can help if you find a good one. And even then, how slow the help can be as you adjust to the medication, the different types of therapy, or as you unwittingly sabotage your own recovery with poor choices and fear. It’s also a feast of Forney’s various art styles, including her take on famous pieces by other great artistis like Van Gogh, Munch, Alfred Stieglitz, and O’Keeffe, which is fitting because I think this subject especially can get dry, one note, terrifying, and easily misunderstood if you’re only ready words. The visual element helped bring home the vast highs and horrific lows in a way that words can’t always do.